I’m not sure if every person goes through the feeling of feeling like they suddenly weigh the same as a beached whale…and look quite similar?
But this last week my eating, my hydration and they way I feel have all plummeted!
Yesterday I felt so uncomfortable in my clothes and like my body was just too heavy. Like I was carrying around sacks of potatoes stuck on vatious parts of my body.
This week I put on 4lbs…whilst it was deserved I feel huge. Like HUGE. Buying clothes is painful. I range from an 18-20 to a recent skinny jean purchase of a 28.What is with the clothing industry? We range from heroes to zeros between shops!
My body makes me sad.
My body makes me angry.
My body frustrates me.
I want to lie in bed and my thigh skin to not get trapped.
My arms to not have batwinged skin.
Im going one of those stages where. I just can’t be arsed. I don’t want to think about food.
I don’t want to be fat.
I don’t want to have loose skin.
I don’t want to be hairy.
I don’t want to have spots.
I know I’m lying in that rut having voluntarily lobbed myself of that wagon that is being healthy…repeating various excuses to myself whilst feeling like fat bastard from Austin Powers…although hoping no one looks at my not so sexy body.
I’ve touched on the pressure put on myself by my parents and myself. I’m visiting them next week. I’m more worried about every inch of my body than anything else. I’ve chosen outfits carefully… I would rather pack a roll of thick black bin bags if I’m honest.
While in 5 days Im not going to look how I want to,I have no idea what that looks like fyi…and I’ve probably already wasted a good portion of my life worrying about this.. I best find away to suck it up and soon!
Love Sooz x