Im lying awake… Finding the world the most overhoverwhelming  place. Reading the news is too much. The world is terrifying and the media exacerbates that beyond any reasonable belief. I end up worrying about worrying. . I know, worrying doesnt help anything.

Maybe if I write a few of my worries down then… A problem shared, and all that!

Obviously the incoming American President has caused almost a tsunami of hate, changes and all round unrest. It scares me, theres so many changes and people agreeing to things which are, in my mind utterly ridiculous. The media obviously reports it in such a way to get maximum sympathy to the side of the cause they think most deserves it.

War is a daily worry and has been for a long time. I worry how we would ever cope. The country has changed so much since the second world war. I cant even imagine that defences are in place, what defences are there against chemical warfare? Would it be the end of the world?

I assume money is a worry for everyone at some point,I always acknowledge that money is a pretty big part of my bipolar. I worry I dont have enough or I get massive anxiety if I know I have money. So, essentially I can never win. After all of that theres the worry of what if for some reason theres no money… None. What would we do? Im actually Giving myself a headache by this point, so I will fully understand if you’ve given up reading by now!

Weight loss
In March i will be visiting my family for a birthday party. I feel so mcuh pressure to lose ten stone in 8 weeks,have perfect skin and teeth and a range of perfect outfits!
I feel heavier, even though i’m not,than last time I saw them. My parents have always been quiye focused on my weight and it seems to add so much pressure on to my already faultering self esteem.

My health
Someone said to me “you’re young, you have nothing to worry about

I wanted to scream, my body most days feels like its been run over by a truck, im unsure if its doesnt realise Its young or the conditions i have dont discriminate age wise!

Sometimes I want to be normal, not feel like Im going to shit myself in tescos or look in the loo and find blood.

I dont want to pee myself during another fit or feel like im going insane when I think a dream is reality.

I want to rave in Ibiza and cliff dive and drink margaritas.

Age might be nothing but a number, but health is a very different ballgame!

Hopefully,i’ll wake up less worried and frustrated with the world. The world, I feel isn’t the right world for me at times.

Love Sooz xx


43 Comments Add yours

  1. smallfitness says:

    I think we all at some point have a tendency to over think. i enjoyed reading your post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. flickerspark says:

    This sounds like a very heavy load. Are you doing ok? (Or as well as you could be, anyway.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im ok. I always get the most anxious before bed. Thankyou. Love Sooz. Xx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. flickerspark says:

        Sleep well. ๐Ÿ’ค

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I hate the media and the “news” and all of it on the t.v. and these viral sites in the States. I swear, they’re all in cahoots to scare us to death and make sure we don’t think. When I get really sick of it and read something that’s written/filmed in such a way to be all “shock!” “gasp!” “horror!”, I play the five-second clip of the “Dramatic chipmunk” on YouTube right after. Then the stories lose their effect and feel ridiculous.

    I agree with some of the topics you’ve put here that people say we supposedly don’t need to worry about because we’re young, but you know, we’re all part of this world. What sucks is the news makes sure to leave out the actually really important stuff we need to do something about in favor of the trivial. (Hence, the D.C. usage) I wish they’d stop pushing B.S. as important and stop making important a footnote. I can’t take the press seriously anymore, though it seems some of its fighting it’s way back to useful and good…wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m still in shock that Donald Chump is president. How in the H did this happen? If Europeans didn’t like the US before I can only imagine how Trump is going to worsen relations now. This is some weird sick twisted reality. Four years if this? How is that going to work?!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I hear you! I feel the same. But I have OCD and I have had to learn to disconnect with repetitive thoughts about these things. Social media & news black out for a while might help. Your post was great!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. weekesgaehl says:

    Hang in there! You’re not alone and I promise this is the right world for you. X

    Liked by 1 person

  7. lenalimhamn says:

    Do you have a special place where you feel relaxed? Where you can let all thoughts float away! Go there often! An hour now and then. I myself have my place…The sauna and the sea. There I feel free.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s not entirely unusual to feel worry about any of those things. I woke up at 4am two days ago doing just the same thing – and eventually by the time I got up and sat in my exercise bike for 40 mins and sweated it out I realised I’d begun to worry that I was worrying too much.

    Turn off the TV more, don’t focus on what you can’t control and do some mindfulness is my advice – but I know that like all advice it’s dead easy to give if you’re not the one lying awake staring at the ceiling ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Kalamain says:

    “The media obviously reports it in such a way to get maximum sympathy to the side of the cause they think most deserves it.”
    No… They take the side that will get them more clicks, views or revenue. They often overblow it, as you said, to get that shock factor in… Then they bias it “Muslim Ban!” and then ride the wave as long as they can.

    War is not really going to happen here. Could it happen elsewhere? Yes… It *IS* happening elsewhere. All you can do is live your life as best you can.

    Money is an issue… But you can live on nearly nothing. My and the wife did it for a few years. We were living on one minimum wage job. You make do with what you have. You learn to cope… Actually when you come out of that place it’s harder to learn to spend it. B-)

    Weight… NO…NO NO NO… YOU should **NEVER** feel pressured to lost weight like that. Stay on your routine and lose it slowly and steadily. You need to change your lifestyle to live a healthy life, not just lose weight to please someone else. If they are so fickle that weight is the biggest of your issues then I have to question their love.

    Health is for life… You do your best you can and get help when you need it.
    The only thing I can suggest is… Take care of your knees… You will miss them later on! and wear sunscreen… B-)

    Also… Stay in touch with your doc. Maybe he can change your meds if they don’t work quite right. Maybe there are alternatives? I dunno.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. I loved your post. I find myself in this situation. Sort of like I am now. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope your mindset can improve…as well as mine. Love sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. losing200fun says:

    Thanks for sharing. I’m sending good thoughts your way. Hope writing helped you feel better.
    When i pressure myself to lose a certain amount by a deadline, i become too obsessed with the numbers and less on taking care of myself. Making healthy choices will show no matter how much you lose. You will feel better and better.
    Family is not always supportive of weight loss. I was always the fat one, and my family did not want that to change. I once lost over 100 pounds without any family members saying anything. They acted like they didn’t notice.
    So its all about me. My work. My victories. I appreciate every bit of support and encouragement i get, but in the end I’m doing this for me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thankyou for such a lovely comment. I know youre right! Love Sooz x


  12. When I feel like that a line from a song (Jackie and Wilson by Hozier) plays through my head “We tried the world, good God it wasn’t for us “

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Anxiety is like clouds in the sky. I you wait long enough the sun will come out. Also don’t worry about War. Some of the people who went to fight in the second world war were no less prepared than we would be. Moments of heavy thought aren’t always bag they help to give us perspective! Great blogging, enjoying the read!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankyou! I really appreciate your comment ! Love Sooz x


  14. ap0pl3xy says:

    AAAaaaaaigh! I’m right there with you on the Trump thing. I feel like things are falling apart. Then I turn on NPR news and realize, we are not the center of the universe. There’s scarier crap going on around the world at this moment. And I even sneak on the conservative news once in a while. They are just as bad at grabbing a soundbite out of a million points a democrat was making and twisting it into something entirely else. Give up on mainstream media. NPR and PBS all the way!
    Please try not to worry what your parents think. You did this surgery for no one but yourself. Are you happy overall with your progress? I hope the answer is yes. If so, ’nuff said. If not, get to doing something about it! Remember, even with WLS, slow and steady wins the race. As far as your money worries go. Mo’ money mo’ problems I say. I look back on those Ramen noodle days fondly. I had less crap to worry about. I’m not rolling in it by any means, but my husband and I have good jobs. And more paycheck gobbling bills than ever. How does that happen?! Last thing, have you thought about anti-anxiety therapy? I sometimes have chest-clutching anxiety and I have to remember to stop and think, where am I in this moment. THIS moment? Am I safe? Warm? Loved? usually the answers are yes yes and yes. That’s what really matters. All the rest is noise. Even if its worrisome noise. Work on living in the moment, it really helps. (blah blah blah. In other words “Middle fingers in the air”)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment so lovely and so truthful. Ill definitely think about a few of the suggestions. Thankyou. Love Sooz x


  15. You summed it up perfectly. I hate that this is the world we currently live in and that everyday gives us a new facepalm moment.Brighter days have to be coming soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Kirsten says:

    Thanks for checking out my blog today! I have a lot of the same worries as you. Hope you’re able to feel a little better by writing them down – that usually helps me. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  17. So what’s stopping you from going to a rave in Ibiza? Worry doesn’t do anything but cause stress and wrinkles. Good to write things down, just write it down and don’t dwell on reading it over and over. I have the same thing about worrying and the stress can cause lots of bad things to happen, for me, it’s making my hair skin and weight go bat-sh*t. So what can you do? Go to Ibiza. If you can’t, save for Ibiza and GO. Rave. Do it. I have family who judge on weight too, mom esp. and things got better once I moved out on my own and I made peace that I can’t change people and what they do but I can change how I’m going to interact or react to them. And breathe. Be around people you actually like. And if there aren’t any, find something to do that makes you happy. Life’s too damned short to be miserable and worrying about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Jennie says:

    I do journaling at nighttime to relieve daily anxiety and it seems to work really well ๐Ÿ™‚ Get it all out of your head and on paper (or in my case, in the notes section of my phone). So worth it! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Nkeoma DND Agu says:

    For your honesty in writing about what you want and how you feel, i am nominating you for the “Blogger Recognition Award”

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Marie Abanga says:

    To get my mind kind off from the day’s worries, I keep a gratitude journal in which I write just before I sleep. Now thinking up at least 5 things for which am grateful each day, definitely take my mind off worries and nonsense news. All the best in this sometimes weird world

    Liked by 1 person

  21. kendrastorm says:

    I feel like this as well, not all the same things but the overwhelming pressure and anxiety. As for the weight loss and feeling like you need to feel prefect… I thinks that’s where most my aniexty comes from other than medical things. I hope that you are doing well though I know how you feel.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Mrinalini says:

    Even I get such thoughts from time to time. Hope you are better now ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  23. ExcessivelyMe says:

    I really like the image you chose for this.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. worry is a misuse of your imagination. but the good news is that you have a vivid imagination. so instea dof imagining what all goes wrong, imagine how it will go right. example: “you are young” – your worry “but i feel broken” – the StrictMotivation strategy. I feel broken which gives me space to heal. I can use that energy to find a new working me. #StrictMotivation

    Liked by 1 person

  25. bethanyk says:

    I hate when people say the, you’re young comment. They have no idea what you are going through and age has nothing to do with anything!!!! I’m so sorry you are overwhelmed.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. I find I’m much better at being positive for other people than for myself, but I found talking and blogging to help immensely. I am certainly an overthinker. Especially when I feel anxious, and then my OCD kicks in and it snowballs from there. It’s a comfort to know that there are others out there who feel the same. To know you aren’t alone in this helps. Chin up and keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will start walking towards something instead of away from it

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Tony says:

    I’m sorry you or anyone else is feeling this way. They are useless worries though. I’ll be 54 this year and in all that time I have found that nothing is worth the worry I gave it. Live will happen no matter what. I just go with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. We in Australia saw hate return in waves when Tony Abbott was elected as he ran a campaign based on “Jesus knows best”. Watching the mentality of Australians has had me wanting to move at times but where to when the whole world has descended into madness?

    Your health. That’s one holistic intervention you need to do for yourself as hard as that can be. We need to learn to love ourselves first before we can move forward. I know how painful that is.

    Take care of yourself. You’re beautiful. You’re awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Adam S says:

    Losing ten stone in eight weeks sounds incredibly unhealthy. I’m not sure that’s a good direction to go in.

    What exercise plan and diet are you following? You mentioned you’re in some pain, have you tried DDP Yoga? It was designed to have little to no impact on your joints to reduce exercise-related pain. It really works, too. I lost a lot of weight using it in conjuction with my oh-no-I-got-gallstones-time-to-eat-properly diet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was a joke… I dont think ten stone. Is even possible lose in ten weeks.. Unless i become a talking head! I follow a healthy diet with some treats and do various exercises. Including barre yoga and pilates. Thankyou for your Advice. Love Sooz x


  30. eliwoodbine says:

    I completely relate. You are not alone. Stay strong!


    Liked by 1 person

  31. I often feel like all of these points. The world is a very frightening place at the moment so I try to stay clear from the news, but then at the same time I believe it’s important to keep in touch with what is going on. I try to meditate daily now and it helps with my anxieties.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Reblogged this on Am I borderline or not? and commented:
    Brilliant coping strategy at play

    Liked by 1 person

  33. It’s crazy how at times your mind can only focus on all negatives and make you feel so overwhelmed huh? I find myself getting overwhelmed and worked up about tons of stuff very often many things that I also can’t control yet I worry. It is sad to see how the world has become but there has to be beauty and peace about somewhere!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou (again) Love Sooz z

      Liked by 1 person

  34. TLC says:

    Reblogged this on Significant Recovery and commented:
    I watched the news and became full of dread,
    I went to sleep with all my worries in my head,
    I dreamed of a mosquito on my arm that said,
    I am politics to infect you with Zika Virus,
    Except I’m overwhelmed by war frog threatening to nuke us,
    Frog said, money crow is crashing the market in a fuss,
    Money crow said obesity cat wants to eat my face,
    Obesity cat said, I’m being cased,
    By a crazy wolf all over the place,
    I looked at them all wanting to inflict harm,
    I can’t do anything about war, viruses or GMO farms,
    But I sure can flick this *** mosquito off of my arm.

    ‘I call this “perspective” – Do what you can with all your heart, pray and other things will sort themselves out.

    Liked by 1 person

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