New person anxiety

You know when you have so many blogs on the list but choose the one that doesn’t require pictures and links?
Well. That’s why this blog is a little earlier than planned! I’m awake at a ridiculous hour doing laundry, and writing this whilst I wait!

So, enough of that.

New people!

I have an instant dislike for new people, it’s as though I set my boundaries high enough to protect myself, then over time take away the bricks.. or sometimes I stupidly take all the bricks away and then have to rebuild (but that’s a whole different story).

New people make me feel so anxious, especially if they’re coming into my space. “What if they want to shake my hand, hug me oh god!” “what if I say something stupid or make a fool of myself?” I find reasons I don’t like them, or to avoid them.

I will make sure any housework is done top to bottom, that there are biscuits or some kind of food. I just struggle with a personal welcome!

Due to being partly deaf I sometimes also struggle to hear people, and my usual ‘squad’ are fairly used to me need repeated at times, whereas New people aren’t so used to me, but why would they be?

Maybe its my own insecurities? maybe it’s the change of a new person? Maybe its my own trust?
Maybe it’s because I have social anxiety.

Maybe its all of those things!
How do you cope with new people?

Love Sooz x

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44 Comments Add yours

  1. Recently I mostly tell them funny stories about what happens when I eat chilli. 😏

    Liked by 3 people

    1. 😂😂😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Eirini Moore says:

    Awww you’re so cute . I am a very friendly person and like to make people feel comfortable around me. I love meeting new people . Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou, that’s really very sweet! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Age, and slowly realising they’ve got better things to think about than if I said something stupid – me and them both 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. that seems to be a very common thought! Love Sooz x

      Like

  4. Hey Sooz. When I was younger I would say that I felt exactly the same as you do now. I was so shy and nervous of meeting new people. But two kids later plus 20 odd years and I couldn’t give a rats arse any more.
    I’m 50 this year and strangely I’m feeling really liberated by that fact. I hated 40, omg did I?! But 50 is looking good from where I’m standing now.
    Having kids was my first real milestone. I became a lioness protecting her cubs. That soon cured the shyness. Then age makes u give less of a shit on a daily basis.
    I’ve never felt so alive! Strange but true! 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, with kids out the window. Maybe I’ll just wait until I age! Thankyou. You’re like a very sweet wise owl! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha! It’ll come presh. Just be true to yourself. 🦉 🦉🦉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. New people make me nervous. I try to avoid them (in person) as well and don’t do well with being little Miss Hostess. I also have difficulty with continuous small talk. Also, if they are the type to show up unannounced, I dislike them a little more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like hosting, but get so stressed that I’m not a stepford wife it ends up going tits up! Small talk, unannounced arrivals and unnecessary personal contact or space invasions are my pet hates! glad were not alone! Love Sooz xx

      Like

  6. New people..hmm..I typically wait to feel them before showing my true form 😈 lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I struggle meeting new people too. I have learned (and am still learning) that if I focus on their interests and needs (rather than my insecurities) it goes much easier for me. Of course I don’t have trouble hearing. That would complicate matters.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. the20somethingexistentialcrisis says:

    I understand the anxiety about it — with new people, I always want to make a good impression, so I go overboard… too much. With the kindness. But, in my experience, it’s the fact that they are an unknown quantity and they are going to fall on the spectrum of really awesome or really shitty. And it’s the fact that if you get to know them, you have to invest in them, then find out they fall on the shittier side of the spectrum and you’re like, “Did I just waste all this effort and kindness on a shitty person.”

    Or maybe that’s how it goes in my head.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, no it goes like that in my head too! sometimes it’s nice to know it’s not just me! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Alex Sarll says:

    Hey thanks for liking my post! And i kinda get what you mean with this- it usually depends what mood i’m in. Sometimes i jst go super cheery, because it seems most “socially acceptable”?! Other times i clam up and dnt say much. Other times i’m absolutely fine! Go figure right, my head is fairly erratic at best 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep, right there with you too!! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Alex Sarll says:

        Yeah it completely depends what kind of mood I’m in to be honest.. my moods can be fairly erratic!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Bradley says:

    I’m lucky that I had a job that required that I be social. I had to wine and dine clients all the time. I hated every second of it, but I got good at it. In fact, people frequently would tell me that they wished they could work a room as well as I did. My secret Let them do all the talking. People love to talk about themselves and they’ll walk away thinking you are a great conversationalist.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I used to work in customer service, and found it easy to put on that mask, while dying inside! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Jennifer says:

    I have a problem with new people too. I just chalk it up to being an introverted, exceedingly shy manic depressive. I just don’t want to be in an “episode” when I end up having to meet someone. I am so terrified they won’t like me, they’ll see through me…..I think I have a social phobia 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have social anxiety. It’s such a horrific feeling. Love Sooz x

      Like

  12. LilyEve says:

    Oh my, this is very relatable. I suppose it’s just some type of instinctual protection thing but of course we all need to lower our defences from time to time 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s true! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  13. angyjenks says:

    I’m okay with new people.. but people will say I thought you were mean.. but you are so sweet.. I touch and 🤗 too.. 😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! People always think I’m a tough nut, when I’m not! Maybe the book shouldn’t be judged by its cover?! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. angyjenks says:

        Yea my family thought that too until I fell apart.. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  14. AlwaysShawna says:

    Lol same way! I protect myself until I figure them out.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m with you on this. However, I’ve realized that everyone just wants to be heard, felt (sometimes at a considerable distance, depending on familiarity 😄), and understood. While you’re worrying about what that new person thinks of you they’re probably wondering what you think of them…or they could be thinking of someone or something else entirely and that’s always a bummer to find out you put an immense amount of worry into a place where there was preoccupation. People tend to say they think of me as very much a chatty person, just disinterested in talking to them…honestly I mostly live in my own head and come out of it unexpectedly and this has nothing to do with the company. I may be open to new people or closed, it’s my mood, not the people…however if someone catches me at a “closed” period I can bet they’ll think it’s them… on top of that even those that know me best will say I can be “mean”… I call it honest. There’s just very little filter between what I think and what I say when I’m comfortable so I tend to stay to myself rather than offend who wasn’t “asking for” all of…me. 😇 Short answer: being yourself is the only real option for getting through the anxiety. Those that get you will be around 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment makes so much sense and reminds me a lot of myself! Love Sooz x

      Like

  16. I used to be shy, but eventually (with age and experience) realized that most everyone is in the same boat when meeting new people. I can easily start up a conversation by complimenting them about something and then asking them why they are in the particular place I find them….or whether they come often. From that you can usually glean something that will allow you to ask another question about them. Guess what? People love to talk about themselves!! They will do all the talking and think you are the most brilliant conversationalist without having to do hardly any talking!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like your approach! So true, it’s nice to see the other side! Love Sooz. X

      Like

  17. I used to be frozen solid by shyness. Nobody who knows me now would believe it! I cope by creating environments I feel comfortable in. I only go places if I feel ok about them first. I have pissed off family members, special events, etc….but I use breathing exercises, essential oils and camomile tea where possible….I also need a lot of me time

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you’re comfortable with the environment you have created! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would love to say I am never outside of that zone….I was interrupted earlier when writing to you. I have some coping mechanisms that help. But the truth is that I adore some people instantly! So that makes me trust the others even less…..best of luck with your journey & keep in touch 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Me too! Good luck with yours also. Love Sooz x

          Liked by 1 person

  18. Rasma R says:

    Look who you’re talking to. I am an introvert and for this reason I do well with my writing and poetry making great strides and have many online friends some of which I have known for years. If I would be faced with all of them away from my PC I would probably be so overwhelmed that I would have an instant panic attack. I could just picture the two of us meeting. Knowing how you feel about new people I would at least not be new because we met online so right away I would try to put you at ease. So while I would be yelling at you to be sure you could understand me you would be looking at me with a surprised look – like where is this woman coming from. Of course once we both calmed down completely we could both have a great laugh and become instant friends. Just saying. So for now I’ll stay in my comfortable place on the opposite side of the screen with my protector my cat Sid on the windowsill nearby. Wishing you a great day.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. jeffw5382 says:

    It’s so easy to say who cares what other people think? Just be yourself. I feel you, But what if you’re right? But what if you’re wrong. I’ll be composing an entry around just those questions. I’m curious about what it indicates about me when I expect and assume. Thank you for your honesty-I’m finding it quite prevalent around here

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I could have written this myself, it’s exactly how I am. At 33 I still haven’t a clue how to overcome this. In fact more recently I’ve been shutting myself away from the world because I find it easier. 😕

    Liked by 2 people

  21. serenspeaks says:

    Completely understand this post, it is so difficult. The last year suffering from anxiety I have isolated myself but being a young mother of three I have to force myself for them most of the time my husband becomes my ice breaker but on my own I just seem cold and not myself at all (I think people would like me if I was able to show who I am.) some great tips on the comments though on how to combat. Hope to read more of your blog. xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  22. The Happy Healthy Kiwi says:

    I don’t. I tend to ‘show off’ to cover up my nerves. It’s not a good method of attack

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im with you on that… Especially the after feeling of why dod i do/say that! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  23. People in my home? Are you crazy? Bringing their germs? Lol. I have always been v possessive of my home space. It’s sacred. I don’t mind meeting people outside at restaurants etc – neutral ground.

    Liked by 1 person

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