This morning the dreaded- I say dreaded, but I’m always happy in a strange comforted way- my period arrived. After a week of wanting to eat anything and everything in sight, and wanting to rip the head of anything that spoke!
I’ve always had a really weird relationship with my monthly gift from mother nature.
My period first began when I was 12 at a national swimming competition- great timing, I was also sharing a bed with a friend 😱! I felt so sick, and my poor dad had to find a shop that was open (this before shops opened regularly on a Sunday) and he came back with a bag full of possibly every sanitary product Boots in Coventry sold!
I spent the next 3 days throwing up- apparently due to the shock of all of the hormone changes. Some people are excited about their first period at that point, if I never had another I would have been thrilled!
Every month it arrived at a different time, which as a teenager at school it was frankly the end of the world, and my moods swung like an out of control pendulum! Which combined with my mental health issues was painful for all I encountered to say the least!
I don’t think I ever mentioned my periods to my parents ever again. I think that embarrassment from the first time put my walls up so high, I think its so important to talk about now, but then, I was embarrassed. They were embarrassed.
By late high school, I still just hadn’t gotten used to it. I started taking the combined pill for both types of its use. That didn’t help, but I found if I took 2 packs back to back I could eliminate it all together! win!
Up until 2006 I did that… Almost 3 years, then I moved onto the progesterone only pill, as I had gotten too fat for the combined. That stopped them completely! At that time I really didn’t care about myself at all.
I was happy at first, no pads, tampons or pms… But in their place weight game, horrific acne and weirdly I missed having a monthly period. Since 2006, it has never been about knowing if I was pregnant, thankfully!
Due to the excess progesterone, when I did decided to stop the pill and my period returned two years… Yes TWO YEARS later, there were many large lumps of excess skin like tissue which was apparently normal. It was a shock to my system.
Getting a regular period back was literally like starting all over again! Knowing what pads to buy. Working out my cycle, and coping with my pmt!
Now at age 29 I finally feel comfortable with my period, I know when it is, I know which medications- both prescribed and over the counter- work for me. I’m happy not taking pills to control if/ when I have one. They may not be as carefree and wonderful as the television adverts portray, and frankly if I could Just lay an egg once a month I’d be ok with it. I hate the blood aspect!
Ignoring my period is the worst mistake I ever made and not looking after myself. If I could go back and give myself some advice, it would be to relax, it will get better. That and NEVER EVER forget to take a tampon out.. I did once, it ended in me in a&e with a nurse at the end of the bed with a camping torch… I wasn’t sure if I was going to die of embarrassment or TSS!
Love Sooz xx