I often think, well, worry about how much I invest in others or situations. I then want it back but it’s gone. .
I feel like a moth to a flame, I go into a situation knowing that I’m more than likely going to get burned, but I still want to give myself both mentally and physically. I’m unsure if it’s my own stupidity or that I Just constantly want it to be alright.
An example situation
” Sooz starts hanging round with people who ‘everyone’ says are Absolutely God awful, Sooz gives them benefit of doubt, Sooz learns ‘everyone’ were right, Sooz gets hurt, Sooz is sad.”
I feel like an idiot, but I know I tried. The idiot bit always wins!
It’s like I over invest. I can’t give bit by bit, I give it all at the beginning and then either walk away at a loss or snatch it back.
This is both exhausting., entirely counterproductive. But I don’t know how to be anything else.
Another example where I’m ridiculously fearful, is our neighbours cat, I absolutely adore him (whilst being fully aware he’s their cat. I don’t feed or invite him inside) I’ll see him most days and his little face makes me smile. But I’m scared, something will happen, he’ll pass away, or they’ll move house etc… And I won’t see him again. I’ve given away a little piece of me, and I don’t want to not see him.
It’s like I’m stuck between wanting to be a cold hard person with no feelings, and who I am. I’m fully aware that loss is one of my biggest anxieties and it’s something that was addressed in my counselling sessions.
Do you struggle with feeling?
Love Sooz x