Investing myself


I often think, well, worry about how much I invest in others or situations. I then want it back but it’s gone. .

I feel like a moth to a flame, I go into a situation knowing that I’m more than likely going to get burned, but I still want to give myself both mentally and physically. I’m unsure if it’s my own stupidity or that I Just constantly want it to be alright.

An example situation

” Sooz starts hanging round with people who ‘everyone’ says are Absolutely God awful, Sooz gives them benefit of doubt, Sooz learns ‘everyone’ were right, Sooz gets hurt, Sooz is sad.”

I feel like an idiot, but I know I tried. The idiot bit always wins!

It’s like I over invest. I can’t give bit by bit, I give it all at the beginning and then either walk away at a loss or snatch it back.

This is both exhausting., entirely counterproductive. But I don’t know how to be anything else.

Another example where I’m ridiculously fearful, is our neighbours cat, I absolutely adore him (whilst being fully aware he’s their cat. I don’t feed or invite him inside) I’ll see him most days and his little face makes me smile. But I’m scared, something will happen, he’ll pass away, or they’ll move house etc… And I won’t see him again. I’ve given away a little piece of me, and I don’t want to not see him.

It’s like I’m stuck between wanting to be a cold hard person with no feelings, and who I am. I’m fully aware that loss is one of my biggest anxieties and it’s something that was addressed in my counselling sessions.

Do you struggle with feeling?

Love Sooz x

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24 Comments Add yours

  1. I totally relate to the over investing part of your post. I tend to assume the best in everyone and therefore give them my all until I’m proved wrong. And, sadly, that happens all too often 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right! Life’s bloody hard! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can definitely relate to giving people the benefit of the doubt, especially after I’ve been warned about them. “They can’t be that bad” and “I should make that judgement for myself” and then realising a few months/years later that they’re horrible and I should have never involved myself in the first place. I don’t think it makes you stupid. I think it’s just wanting to make sure you’re not missing out on a good person and making judgements for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are very right! Love Sooz x

      Like

  3. Well lovely, i’m the same. There are givers and takers in this world, and you’re most definitely a giver. You are a good person who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but wear your heart on your sleeve and get hurt often. There are people who learn how to manipulate and use you, this is not your fault. You carry on being you babe, it’s the others with the problems not you, just remember that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m the same. I’ve tried to be colder in situations but that meant that I was changing my natural self because of other people. Now, I just try to remain philosophical about it and tell myself that some people want to suck others dry but I think they are like that mainly because of something that happened to them. Now, if it happens to me I’m able to tell myself that it is them that has the problem and I find it easier to move forward.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou. That’s a good thought process! love Sooz xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s so hard when you are a trusting giving person and you don’t get it back. Giving the benefit of the doubt is the right thing to do and one day it’ll pay off 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou, love Sooz xx

      Like

  6. Mist decent living people struggle with anxiety and for me, investing in animals requires little if myself. Animals are much more unconditional and if I were you I would say hi to the neighbors cat!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I say hi every day! He sees me and comes for a cuddle. He’s such a happy chap! Thankyou! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sorry for all the typos. That is making me anxious… I am typing on my phone. Good to hear you say hi to the neighbors cat. They know a good friend when they see one. I adopted my cat 5 years ago and she was a runaway. I sure did not want a cat at the time but wouldn’t change it for anything….

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    1. Gosh absolutely no need to apologise! It’s absolutely no problem at all! I have one cat who is 11, Holly and we had another about 6 years ago, who was a stray in a bad way named Prudence, she passed away in 2013. I’m far more comfortable with animals than people. Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ap0pl3xy says:

    I’ve learned over the last 46 years that horrible people will take advantage of a giver. Man do they ever. And it always took me a while to get wise to what was happening, every time it happened. Now I open myself up, but pay careful attention to how they behave. Do they “give to get?” or just give. Do I feel good when I’m with them? Are they happy to be with me and share my company and just do whatever? Those are the best kinds of people. I feel like its still possible to be giving, and its ok to invest. Just keep your eyes open to what you are getting in return from the start.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. addyclay says:

    Great post. I totally get your struggle, I’m there with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. cntry17566 says:

    I live on an emotional roller coaster every damn day! I give my heart and soul away repeatedly, only to have them thrown back at my feet broken. You gotta keep living, you gotta keep trying, you gotta keep sharing part off yourself… If you being one moment of joy to something or someone it is worth it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou for both your reblog and your comments! You’re very right! It’s always worth it in the end! Love Sooz x

      Like

  11. I’m definitely the same. I’m a highly sensitive person and a lot of me is tied up with how the people I care about are feeling. It makes me feel good to help others, and generally be there for them whenever needed. This has backfired majorly on more than one occasion! I’m having to learn to not invest so much emotional energy into others, and try to refocus it on myself. I’m in a phase where half the time I just wish I was an emotionally detached, completely selfish guy as it would make the process a hell of a lot easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. But if you were that person, it wouldn’t be you! Love Sooz x

      Like

  12. 2MASX says:

    Very nice post. My interests are self motivation, and the importance of investing in yourself. I enjoyed reading this

    Liked by 1 person

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