Broken Anxiety

When I break something no matter what it is, I’m absolutely point blank terrified of telling anyone, no matter who the item belongs to. I just can’t do it. No matter how big or small. I just freak out.

If during the time between it breaking and a person noticing, they mention anything about being stressed or “can’t take any more of this” or whatever. Its like I Bury it deeper yet think about it constantly.

I don’t break things deliberately, and I accept I can be clumsy. not because I don’t care. But because I get so anxious.

I know that some think I’ve either done it deliberately or I’m always breaking everything or I’m dishonest or deceitful for not saying, or that because I’ve broken something once that it is always my fault (it’s not) and that just makes my anxiety worse.

I’m terrified to the point of giving myself a migraine with stress. Its all I think of. From the moment it cabooms to the moment someone realises. But once they realise, in sets the feeling of paranoia.. that they hate me. That it can never be fixed, that they’ll shout at me.

I hate that it’s always me. I hate that I don’t say anything. I hate that L feels she should protect me as she understands and that she’s so empathetic towards me.
I have no idea what clumsy people do to help ‘cure’ them.
.. nor what overly anxious people do when they can’t tell someone they’ve broken something and literally cannot overcome that hurdle of saying anything!

It’s not a nice feeling.
Love Sooz x


7 Comments Add yours

  1. Absolutely ditto, I always break things and then rest is amusing experience !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m always clumsily breaking things too, I can definitely relate to this!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kalamain says:

    It seems wrong to ‘Like’ this.

    I have a strange thing… Not sure if others do it too… If I am trying REALLY HARD to keep quiet or whatever I end up screwing it up. At 3am when I am getting a sneaky snack and heading back to bed the wife will tell me that I am SOOOO noisy…
    If I just don’t bother and go do it I’m like a super robot ninja or something. It’s weird.

    I used to be scared of breaking things. I used to hide them. Now I deliberately leave the evidence out on the side so everyone can see it but I NEVER say anything. I broke a pasta bowl last week. (Nearly opened a vein doing it, but that’s another story) I didn’t say a word, I just left the pieces on the side on top of a few pieces of newspaper.
    Everyone knew the bowl had been broken, I didn’t have to say anything, nobody had a go at me and the next day it was wrapped in paper (So nobody else opened a vein) and put in the bin.
    All done and no stress.

    Is that something you think you could try?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it might be! I think I find it really hard to accept that it broke, like just through use not through me actually meaning to break it!

      If I try and be quiet I’m the same!

      Although my flat footed heavy stomp usually gives me away!

      I do hope you’re ok now, and I’m glad no veins we’re opened in the process!

      Love Sooz xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sooz, that kind of stress has physical ramifications. I too have struggled excessively with fear in the past. I have learned to focus on the truth, rather than the fear. Yes, I broke it. Yes, I need to tell my neighbor. Yes, she or he may be mad and never forgive me. Those are true statements.

    Then I have to do what is right and not let the fear of rejection control me. If that person doesn’t want to forgive me, they are not worth having as a friend. That also is a true statement.

    Your health is more important than the fear and stress involved! Sometimes facing the fear head on helps tear it down. Prayer helps me too!

    Hope you can find peace and resolve.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankyou for your advice and guidance. Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The Happy Healthy Kiwi says:

    You described how I feel about so many decisions I make and how people will react to them

    Liked by 1 person

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