I’m not entirely sure today is categorized as a bad day, more an internal battle, of suppressing my sadness, anger and pure frustration.
Yesterday I turned 29. I really enjoyed a little picnic by the river and just some really good quality chill time.. and an obligatory ice cream.. of course!
I got some beautiful cards and some incredibly thoughtful presents. I went to sleep full of pizza and cake!
This morning I’ve woken up irritated by myself that I’m 29 and what have I done? who am I? With tinged of sadness that some haven’t shown their care this year.
The tinge of sadness however has turned to anger and paranoia, do they think so little of me? Do they know how it makes me feel? What did I do?
The internal battle comes, as I want to be grateful, focus upon the people who did bother and the absolutely lovely timeni had when I was by the river.
I feel like I’m literally fighting myself. I feel like I’m being selfish or spoiled by wanting a gift: like is a £5 present too much to ask? Especially when I had been asked what I wanted.
Maybe it’s me?
Maybe my expectations are just too much?
Maybe money issues got in the way?
I don’t know.
Maybe I’m projecting my sadness around being 29 onto that, instead of concentrating on bettering myself or being ok with who I am and what I’ve done?
I don’t feel 29, I see celebrities the same age and I feel so immature! I’m 30 NEXT YEAR! I still feel 18-19, or 70-80 in my little old soul!
I’m sure I’ll get over the feeling…
Love Sooz xx