Will I always be ‘that fat girl?’ 

I saw a blog post from @fattybiscuit on My Twitter feed, she writes an absolutely brilliant Blog ,her post grabbed me by my invisible balls.. 

‘You’ll always be a fat girl, you don’t know how to be anything else’

a quote from her favourite book

  You don’t have to say you love me -Sarra Manning



It got me thinking, I’ve lost 90+ pounds, I’m still defined as fat by both society, clothing stores and myself. Strangers must look at me and think I’m fat now, but I want to turn to the strangers looking me up and down and say

 “if you think I’m fat now, you shoulda seen me before I started losing weight” 

I would never say it, I just scurry away! 
I think that, but I don’t believe it, I wonder what size I’ll be, how much weight I’ll have to lose before I’m not fat in my head. All the little things I do based around being huge… Dreading turnstiles, blocking doorways and shop aisles, going straight to the plus size or the accessories in a store and looking at restaurant chairs judging if I’ll get bruises by wedging myself in them! 

Reading Instagram posts I see people who have dropped 100-200lbs and still cannot see how small they are, still go to the plus size section and still think ‘fat girl’ thoughts. 

I look at them and think how pretty and tiny they look, how confident they seem… But reading their posts show that internally they are fighting that battle between their fatty Patti inside and their here and now. 

I scrutinize selfies, prod my tummy, try and make my ever sagging boobs into a cleavage… Do you ever accept who you are, do you ever see the truth in the mirror? Once you’re fat, is it always within you? Does your past body haunt you, no matter how much weight you’ve lost, or do you just know how to cope in a fat body?
 You’re used to funny looks, sweating, people ignoring you, hurtful comments on pictures. But when that changes you don’t know what you’re coping with! 

Love Sooz x

CHECK LAURA’S BLOG OUT: www.fattywantsabiscuit.co.uk

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32 thoughts on “Will I always be ‘that fat girl?’ 

  1. I absolutely agree with what you are saying and I can relate! I lost 60 pounds, and I was still feeling fat! I was never happy with how I looked! Everybody around me, being like, “you have to lose more to be at the “normal” weight! This got me thinking, “Am I that bad?” Things went out of control for so long, I gained most of the weight and I was feeling worthless! “If I was not enough before, how I am going to be enough now?”. This was happening until I chose not to feel sad about it! It sounds simple, but it was not very easy! I just do not care of what people say anymore, I love myself… This fat self is part of me, and now I accept it! You know, I am actually glad it lives with me because it teaches me a lot! The weight comes and goes! But being fat is something different! It is like a buddy! I grew up with it and it taught me so much about how society and culture works! I embrace it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Disclaimer: my blog is https://livehappylifeblog.com/. The blog that appears when you press on my name is not mine! I want to clarify that so that everyone is happy! 🙂 Keep in mind that this is my first comment, so I did not know there was a problem. I contacted with wordpress and I hope they fixed it asap! 🙂 Sorry for that, but there is no option to delete the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You look absolutely amazing!! It’s hard to change your perspective but you will. Sometimes when you get so used to a place you can’t see or sometimes is hard to see what you have achieved. Keep going you are doing amazing!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I find this such a beautifully honest post and I can definetely relate. I recently lost 20kg(=44lb 1.479296oz) and I’m absolutely terrified when I see that the number on the scale has gone up instead of down. Also, a lot of people judge, without knowing the weightloss battle a person has gone/is going through. We have that fighting spirit though ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely know what you mean! I’ve lost 70 pounds in the last 18 months. Some of it in healthy way and some of it not so healthy. The thing I find is that I’ll wake up in the morning weigh myself (though I know it’s “just a number” and I should do it everyday but if I don’t I don’t have a way to hold myself accountable… I know, I know…) and I’ll be down a bit and realize that I haven’t been this small in YEARS! I’m so happy and so excited. Then a few days or week later I’ll have lost more and then for some reason gain a few pounds (PMS, girls night out, a small binge…) and I’ll be at that same weight that made me so happy a few weeks ago but now that number teases me and makes me feel awful because I’m going the wrong direction. You know what I mean? I guess it’s just a battle I fight with myself… how a number can make me so extremely happy one day and so crushed and depressed the next. I swear this whole weight loss thing is as much in my head and a mental thing as it is a physical thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awesome, honest, unapologetic post. Love it. Brings up a question I’m asking myself right now. Right now I feel like I will always be fat. One way or another I’m going to manage to regain everything I lose. Ugh. Today is day one of the new plan. You can do it, I can do it. Boobs can be lifted, all the other stuff that comes with losing lots of weight can be removed. But changing your essential self is SO frigging hard. I accept me as I am, right now. I just don’t particularly like myself right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. we are always our own worst critics. Personally, I think your weight loss so far is inspirational and your efforts to be healthy admirable. Just keep going – but when you start to hear from others that you look “great” and “hot” and “amazing” – believe it!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re gorgeous, inside & out, Sooz. Keep on keeping on – it’s a journey and you’re inspiring others, encouraging us to appreciate ourselves, make healthy choices, and not hate the bodies we’re in.

    Like

  8. Amazing post! You look pretty and adorable! Beauty is not just about the outside but the inside. With the sense of humor and candor in your post, I bet you have a great personality. A beautiful one! The outside world might see a fat lady, but the realistic ones should see a pretty lady!

    Like

  9. First off you look great! Keep up what you are doing. Secondly thank you for writing this post! I feel that every individual is always super hard on themselves, there is always something that you dislike about yourself that others love yet you can never seem to see it for yourself which sucks!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh my goodness, yes. I feel that I am always destined to be the funny fat girl, with a pretty face. Even now, at my small, 20 lb loss, I am fitting in places differently. But I still dread them! I hate bars tools because my behind never fit. I hate crowded buses, and shopping, and walking up stairs because in my mind, I’m still 20lbs heavier. It’s definitely a hard mentality to kick. I don’t even trust the clothes I put on and foolishly convince myself that someone sewed new labels into them, and I haven’t really dropped 2 sizes. I applaud you. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I am a cancer survivor that has always been “skinny”. All I am trying to say is you are beautifully created in God’s image. We all are. If we are eating healthy and keeping healthy habits, then the number on the scale does matter. One can be skinny but sick inside. 💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I agree with everything you’ve written about! I lost nearly 45 pounds myself, and I still fight that mental battle everyday. That small, niggling voice that keeps telling me that the progress I’ve come through isn’t nearly enough. It takes a lot of my energy to redirect it into more positivity, but one day I will get there. I hope you know that there are many of us on your side, and one day, things will be better. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Your story inspires me! Keep fighting girl. The only thing that defines you is you, and you should embrace that no matter what stereotypes or hurtful words they throw at you. Being in touch with yourself and knowing what your body, mind and spirit wants is more important than anything anyone else has to ever say to you.

    “Do you ever accept who you are, do you ever see the truth in the mirror? Once you’re fat, is it always within you? Does your past body haunt you, no matter how much weight you’ve lost, or do you just know how to cope in a fat body?”

    You are always subject to change, especially your body. It is totally up to you how you interpret that change. Being a victim of your past will not benefit you anywhere in the future, so strive to heal yourself. Healing yourself of your past traumas is a long and very menacing journey that not everyone is ready to take, but with compassion and patience, it can be done. It is not impossible to break a habit- just like it is not impossible to change your mindset.

    To help further your journey i want to suggest you read a book called “The Secret”. It has helped me in ways I couldn’t imagine.

    I feel like im babbling on, but I do hope this helps you. You are beautiful, mind, spirit and body. ❤ Have a good day and good luck to you on your journey.

    Peace and love, Melissa. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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