Maybe….

Do you ever wonder what you’re doing? 
I’m 28 and doing the dreaded comparison with other 28 year olds I’m shocked! I still feel 23ish, I feel like I want more, but have no idea how to get it or if I truely want it at all. 
Is success measured by buying a house, by owning a beautiful car, by being super groomed everyday or by getting married and having children? I feel successful if I make it through each day. 
I feel like I wing each day, float through with no foresight. I want to have more, but then I feel greedy. Sometimes my biggest sadness is wanting it all, but knowing I only want it because then I’ll feel normal! 
I want to go to a club and rave for 9 hours, but I know that physically after an hour I’d be knackered and the thought of that many people makes me queasy. 
I read something today about nostalgia is our biggest hurdle, and it’s true. I know I want to pick out the good bits, or the bits my memory has fashioned to be good and relive them interwoven into my life now. 
When I was a teenager, I had a part time job, I few friends, we had weekly cinema trips, went clothes shopping, bought more makeup than you could wear, ate pizza and ice cream, money didn’t seem an issue. The biggest thing in life was whether someone liked you, or a crush on a boy/girl at school! 
Then you, I was going to write grow up, but I don’t think I’ve done that yet, get older and the world becomes the most terrifying place, you never have enough money, social media can spread a news story in seconds, a fashion/trend also spreads just as quickly making you feel as though you’re missing out. 
I’ve had so many comments saying how real I am, how what I write is real, but this is all I know, I suppose people don’t put pictures on Instagram when they’re tampon bled through or they’re having a screaming argument, or a selfie at a funeral. Social media has enabled people, including  myself to be whoever we want to be.
Being someone else isn’t always a bad thing. In my life a lot of the things I write I don’t have the space or willing audience to say it. I try my very best to use social media to be who I am within my rather muddled head. 
Seeing people bettering themselves, or just a simple selfie inspires me to be better in everyday life. Maybe everyone’s really just winging it, some just have better wings or a better wall in which to wing from? 
Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself… Maybe I should never compare…
Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

Love Sooz x

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “Maybe….

  1. I know how you feel here, I’m trying to find myself again and I haven’t yet. But you are you and mustn’t compare yourself to anyone. You need to seek out what it is that fulfills you and make you feel… You.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Maybe we set our standards of success by comparing it with the others we know. We can never know what the other may be feeling. Maybe the girl who is having this bright smile sitting next to me is not that happy as I feel she may be. We need to stop limiting ourselves from living and start living. I like that you can appreciate small things in your life. It is good to work for something and to aspire about new shoes, setting trends and everything but this all shouldn’t be at the cost of my happiness. Since happiness can’t be achieved only through material things. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Honestly I think we all feel this way sometimes. I sure do, I’m sitting here, surrounded by a messy house that needs tidying because we have an inspection coming up but I don’t have the time or energy. It’s lunch time, I’ve just finished feeding my baby and I’m not dressed as I had a long nap after Zombie left for work because the 3 feed took forever. And even though I’m starving the thought of making lunch is exhausting. This is my life now and I’m already comparing myself to the mummy bloggers who seem to have their life together, can thrive on an hours sleep, go out and have a social life, keep a tidy house and have dinner on the table when hubby gets home all while writing a big post about it every day. I actually don’t think their lives are possible, they must be hiding something, or maybe I just need more time to adapt. Either way, we all compare ourselves to others when we should be enjoying our lives, which is why I’m trying my best to treasure each breath of my sons life.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I know discovering online gaming so many years ago when my first son was only 3 months old was the biggest blessing for me. Suddenly my body meant nothing. It didn’t matter that I was a girl or that I was short. No one could see that. I could make a goofy looking male character and none would be the wiser. All that mattered was my mind, my interpersonal skills, and my skill at playing the game. It was wonderful. It still is. Here on the net I am genderless – even if I tell people I am female, that doesn’t really matter. I’m just me with my mind and my words. For the first time in my life I have been completely free to be myself. I’m seen. I’m heard. I’m real. It’s sad in a way that it took an invisible space to achieve that.

    But to answer the other part of your post, life doesn’t come with an instruction manual so I do believe that everyone is winging it. I know I’m always wondering what the hell I’m doing every damn day. We do tend to naturally compare ourselves with each other – or even our past selves – from time to time to see if we are doing it right. Honestly though I don’t think there is a right way as long as we are happy, but I suppose that’s the crux of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awh Sooz I swear you are my younger sister from another mister sometimes. I know I felt EXACTLY the same way at 28. I had all these ideas of “shoulds” hanging over me… I should have finished school,..I should have a better job…I should be heathier/wealthier/wiser saner… etc. I was expressing this to a friend of mine and she said to me “stop shoulding all over yourself.” And that’s just what shoulds are, a bunch of shxt. You are you, and that is enough. You are you, and that is wonderful and amazing. Shoulds are a bunch of crap other people expect, just be you. You are more than enough.

    Like

  6. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    I’m 42 and feel no different than I did when I was 18. I’m still a sarcastic and I have no qualms with that. But I do wish my knees hurt less. >.>

    I was asked by my teachers in school when I was 7 or so what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a fire engine. ONE DAY I WILL BE A FIRE ENGINE, damnit!!!

    Don’t try to live like everyone else. Don’t set your levels at the same as them either. You are better than that. you are you. Unique.
    Do what makes you happy.

    This calls for a Baz Luhrmann song link.

    Like

  7. Thanks for sharing! It’s always comforting to know I’m not alone in my oddities and comparisons. It would be nice if life came with an instruction manual so then I could at least know I’m not following the beaten path. But no, life isn’t easy or fair or discriminate so we have that last part going for us. Haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This post felt real…and made me squirm a bit at my own awkwardness at 51! It may be it never really goes away…the self-questioning. I agree social media does make it worse. One way I combat that is to use my platforms to participate in community rather than create an image of myself.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s