Do you ever wonder what you’re doing?
I’m 28 and doing the dreaded comparison with other 28 year olds I’m shocked! I still feel 23ish, I feel like I want more, but have no idea how to get it or if I truely want it at all.
Is success measured by buying a house, by owning a beautiful car, by being super groomed everyday or by getting married and having children? I feel successful if I make it through each day.
I feel like I wing each day, float through with no foresight. I want to have more, but then I feel greedy. Sometimes my biggest sadness is wanting it all, but knowing I only want it because then I’ll feel normal!
I want to go to a club and rave for 9 hours, but I know that physically after an hour I’d be knackered and the thought of that many people makes me queasy.
I read something today about nostalgia is our biggest hurdle, and it’s true. I know I want to pick out the good bits, or the bits my memory has fashioned to be good and relive them interwoven into my life now.
When I was a teenager, I had a part time job, I few friends, we had weekly cinema trips, went clothes shopping, bought more makeup than you could wear, ate pizza and ice cream, money didn’t seem an issue. The biggest thing in life was whether someone liked you, or a crush on a boy/girl at school!
Then you, I was going to write grow up, but I don’t think I’ve done that yet, get older and the world becomes the most terrifying place, you never have enough money, social media can spread a news story in seconds, a fashion/trend also spreads just as quickly making you feel as though you’re missing out.
I’ve had so many comments saying how real I am, how what I write is real, but this is all I know, I suppose people don’t put pictures on Instagram when they’re tampon bled through or they’re having a screaming argument, or a selfie at a funeral. Social media has enabled people, including myself to be whoever we want to be.
Being someone else isn’t always a bad thing. In my life a lot of the things I write I don’t have the space or willing audience to say it. I try my very best to use social media to be who I am within my rather muddled head.
Seeing people bettering themselves, or just a simple selfie inspires me to be better in everyday life. Maybe everyone’s really just winging it, some just have better wings or a better wall in which to wing from?
Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself… Maybe I should never compare…
Love Sooz x