I wrote this on a bad day, it’s nice to look back at and see that I’ve taken a few steps forward! No matter how bad a bad day is it’s only a bad day because there are good days!
“I hate change, I find it so difficult to deal with, it can be as simple as a cup moving, it makes me feel so insecure, so a day when furniture moves and things that I have no control over. It makes my anxiety 110% worse. I want to curl up in bed and not get out. Upheaval of any kind makes me uncomfortable. I dread it, I hate it when’s it happening and it takes me a ridiculously long time to get used to it. Then on top of it, I feel bad because I so want to be ok with it, to be happy. I know change is a good thing for the most part, but I struggle with it in all forms. A packaging change in a shop, if something is discontinued, if I forget a recipe but try and make it but it doesn’t taste the same. I like to put the same foods together we joke I have a better meal memory than normal memory, even the weather differing from the forecast. I know I frustrate other people, I’m frustrated enough with myself. I feel like a freak, like a picky bitch, like I’m selfish, like no one else can do anything, I feel overwhelmed by my own need for order. But, if I can’t see it, it’s ok. If a wardrobe is a mess I don’t mind”
Love Sooz x