When food is your friend as well as your enemy. 

I remember crying because I was so full, not being able to sleep because my tummy was so bloated. I look back on that time and that person like it was someone else. 

My digestive system hated me, I felt constantly sluggish and ate food to help me feel better (it didn’t in case you wondered). The main arguments within my relationship were about food and money, we couldn’t afford to sustain my appetite. My priority was eating. 
I made enormous portions not caring how good it tasted or how nutritious it was and expecting everyone to eat it and enjoy it, and was severely disappointed if that didn’t happen. 

I cooked with double cream, butter, oil and full fat everything. When I wasn’t cooking I was ordering takeaway 3-4 times a week, if L said no I would be huffy… Writing this is beyond embarrassing, I sound like a spoiled fat child. 

I’m embarrassed by the way I felt, what I ate and how I behaved. I was like a drug addict but with food. However, when I overdosed on food I just threw it up to make room for more or to make myself feel less uncomfortable. I look back and shake my head in dismay at that girl and I wish she wasn’t so sad. 
At university sitting in wooden seats would leave me with bruises, I didn’t want to socialize. Because I wanted to eat, I would pretend I hadn’t eaten (who was I kidding) and buy food at uni, then buy a boots meal deal on my way home and eat it before I got in.

My confidence was through the floor, any time I spent with the few friends I had always ended in some kind of food based event. I sweated profusely and even walking up two flights of stairs left me severely out of breath as my friends breezed past me, my fake confidence hiding the shattering feeling inside. 

To combat this, I hid myself away, if I wasn’t working or at uni, I was at home….eating. I turned down any social gatherings. I rarely invited people round. I just wanted to sit and eat in my pjs hidden away from the world. 

My past memories are what keep me motivated, I never want to feel like that again. 

Love Sooz x

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19 thoughts on “When food is your friend as well as your enemy. 

  1. I am a food addict too. Food is my frenemy. I’ve done the same things as well. My favorite is ordering 2 meals at McDonalds and changing the drinks so itsorry for 2 different people. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, how you started this blog post is exactly how I am feeling now. I want to cry because I ate so much tonight that I can’t even lie down to sleep. I feel so heavy, irritated and feel like crap. Why did I do that?

    Anyway, I’m happy you found a better place for yourself. Please do not ever go back to that person again because it is the worse. I will let tonight go, wake up early and head to the gym. Better eating for me tomorrow too!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing. I feel like everything you said could have very well have been written about ME and it helps to know I’m not the only one and encourages me to write my own story. You are AMAZING x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know some of that… Not all. I can’t say ‘I know those feels’ because I don’t. But I admire that you are able to share.

    People are going to judge you… No, they HAVE judged you. Now you get to show them just how wrong they were.

    Go get ’em, Tiger!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s a wonderful thing when we as humans overcome an addiction or habit. It’s a wonderfully empowering feeling that actually gives forth to even more positive energy. Good read. Stay motivated – always!
    Rock Steady, Y’all

    Liked by 1 person

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