Shopping at size 30

When I was younger (age 17/18) shopping was something I hated with a passion, my Mum in particular wanted clothes to fit me more than they did, she hated how fat I was- she wanted me to be happy and healthy. I wanted to be fashionable, but the clothes that fitted weren’t, they were middle aged. Every changing room ended in tears, we argued, and I either ended up with something that I hated but it fitted or nothing.

 My school shirts never fitted, I felt stifled in them my fat stuffed in, my school pants gave me open weeping chub rub and ripped regularly. I sweated profusely. I had spiky hair in weird colours, wore lots of make up and jewellery, that was the only expression I felt I had.
 My first prom was in 2003, I wore a black stretchy dress that I borrowed off my mum’s friend, a strange shawl thing and THE most beautiful shoes! But I hated it, I hated being dressed up. I wanted to look as beautiful as I thought some of the others were. My second prom was 2005, I bought a gorgeous dress, loved my shoes, had fake tan, fake nails. But however beautiful I felt, I still felt uncomfortable, my dress was a little tight, whether that was me finding myself, or now I know what I like. Who knows! 

When I came to uni, my dress sense ended up a bit odd… I wore weird combos, and bought fashionable clothes that didn’t fit, or looked like a really bad tramp, I cut up clothes, Had over 10 piercings, got tattoos, cut my own hair and dyed it until it melted  and just really didn’t take care of myself! I was not being realistic about my size at all completely ignoring my size 30-32 self until I could only shop in one store or online. Although plus size ladies can wear whatever they wish to. I have personally grown to realise I could not wear the same as someone who is a size 8, 5’8″ tall! Shops also usually don’t add length to tops or dresses despite them being plus size! I tried to make everything and anything fit, believe me, the photos are erm…interesting!

 Then came the floaty phase, to try and cover my body I wore anything that was long, flowy and not clingy…. It also helped with my enormous food consumption… The clothes stretched with me! I looked even bigger, waddling down the street with my body wobbling in a strange rhythm! 

Now my style is a mix, I’m still not comfortable with my body. I still try and hide my lumps & bumps. I haven’t had chub rub to that extreme for a while. I wear comfort shorts under my dresses. I’m still not sure what suits me. I still have quite a bit of weight to lose so my dress sense/style I assume Will keep changing as my body does? Who knows! 

Love Sooz x


22 Comments Add yours

  1. Angelique says:

    I feel your pain. I hated clothes shopping from elementary school. Always a 14 and bursting the seams. By middle school couldn’t get anything in the juniors dept. Shopping was depressing and with a Greek mom it was soul crushing at how disappointed she was in me. But by college I started developing a thicker skin and loving myself more. Because my lumps and bumps are part of me and part of my journey. I hope that you can see that too. Because you’re beautiful and you don’t need to be society beautiful… just your own unique amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I’m glad it wasn’t just me! I think it’s taken me until now to even like myself and my body! I really appreciate your inspiring words and I’m glad you found love for yourself and your body. Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. wls1618 says:

    You write very honestly about the clothes/fitting and body image struggles we all have faced. Your tenacity is inspiring. One thing I have taken very much to heart from my stepmom, who has helped me overcome some of my own image issues, is that the number doesn’t matter nearly as much as the style and cut and whether you think you look good in it. Cheers to continuing to find the awesomest-Ustyle you find 🀘🀘🀘


  3. Kalamain says:

    Your mental image of yourself should change, and so will your tastes, as you LITERALLY see a body change.
    This isn’t going to be an overnight thing… But then you know that. But it does happen. The only thing to do is to enjoy the changes and make new, realistic, targets when you achieve your goals.

    Its not going to be easy… But then nothing worthwhile ever is.

    Oh… And skinny jeans are overrated… Just putting that out there. B-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. See, I can wear skinny jeans and look ok as long as it’s a floaty top! As now I have skinnier legs and a hulk of a tummy! Thank you for the little pep talk, I needed to read it! Love Sooz x


  4. LydiaA1614 says:

    I really do understand where you are coming from on all levels. I am just about to embark on a healthier lifestyle mainly to relieve chronic pain and other physical symptoms. I was horrified when I hit 200 pounds and now have been riding the 240 mark for a couple of years. I am 5’9″ and have a large frame, however, I must admit that I am obese. But every time I have tried to do something about it image-wise, I fail. So now, I am strictly thinking of my overall health. As for style, only you can know what makes you feel good and never short-change yourself in that area. Anyway, you are an inspiration to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! I really really love both your mindset, and your compliment! You gotta do it for you! I believe you can do it! If you’re not on Instagram, there’s a really good support/inspiring network on there! Good luck! Love Sooz xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. HannahRose says:

    Wow you are so honest and brave and I totally respect you! I think you will loose the weight but you have to be ready to loose the weight. Never let anyone pressure you. Just be you! And the weight will come off but don’t diet! Because you will loose weight but as soon as you stop the diet you will gain the weight you lost back and then more on top. I have an eating disorder but this is the best book I have ever read it totally changes your mind set with food its called( intuitive eating ) it’s so good and it’s not a diet. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I don’t feel very brave! I’ve been slowly losing weight for just over a year, I’m 80+ lbs down so far!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. HannahRose says:

        Wow that is amazing keep up the good work I’m sure we will all support you on your journey xx

        Liked by 1 person

        1. As I inturn will support you xx

          Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ll have a look at the book though! Love Sooz x


  7. The Happy Healthy Kiwi says:

    I feel you! I always wanted to wear the tight fashionable clothes but it was so uncomfortable it wasn’t funny. Although I did lose a lot of weight eventually and was able to wear whatever I wanted, my style now is just what’s comfortable (especially while pregnant. If it fit, I wore it Lol). I think a factor in being able to wear what’s comfortable and not feel like I need to be in fashion is that I’ve cut a lot of friends who would make me feel awkward with what I was wearing (and just being bad friends in general) so now I don’t freak out about what people are going to think if I’m not looking up to their standards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right about the friendship aspects! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. The Happy Healthy Kiwi says:

    I had to learn that if they truly were my friend they wouldn’t care how I dressed. As well as other things lol

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I went from a 3xl to a large in the last 4 months. I’ve lost almost 50 pounds that’s a lot on a 5’2″ petite girl. Keep up the good work. Love yourself!! Don’t let anyone put you down. Call them out for their stupidity. One day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your beautiful comment! Thankyou so much for the pep talk, and congratulations on losing weight yourself! Keep going! Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  10. If you can afford it, have you considered hiring a tailor? I had my wedding dress sewn from scratch and it still cost less than buying one, it was exactly what I wanted, and fit perfectly. I’ve recently been trying to learn to sew, and the books talk a lot about how to adjust shirts and pants and such to make them fit different body types. With a few alterations, you might be able to get some clothes that you like for both style and fit. πŸ™‚


  11. johnlmalone says:

    You’ve done well. Congratulations

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thankyou. Love Sooz x


  12. As someone who has always struggled with her weight, I do feel for you. I can tell you the other extreme is far worse. As a teen I developed an eating disorder, only eating a tiny amount every third day and lost 20lbs after my period stopped. That didn’t make me happy either, in fact I was miserable. It took many years but now I am happy, chunky again, but with a healthy blood pressure and cholesterol. I have accomplished so much that I wouldn’t have if I were focused on my weight. I may never be a size 8 again, but I have finally reached the point where I just don’t give a f*** what other people think of me anymore. I can tend my garden, I can play with my kids. Those are the things I want to do. What else matters? Focus on doing the things you want to do in life, aim for health not dress size, and in time things just have a way of working themselves out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing! Love Sooz x


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