When I was younger (age 17/18) shopping was something I hated with a passion, my Mum in particular wanted clothes to fit me more than they did, she hated how fat I was- she wanted me to be happy and healthy. I wanted to be fashionable, but the clothes that fitted weren’t, they were middle aged. Every changing room ended in tears, we argued, and I either ended up with something that I hated but it fitted or nothing.
My school shirts never fitted, I felt stifled in them my fat stuffed in, my school pants gave me open weeping chub rub and ripped regularly. I sweated profusely. I had spiky hair in weird colours, wore lots of make up and jewellery, that was the only expression I felt I had.
My first prom was in 2003, I wore a black stretchy dress that I borrowed off my mum’s friend, a strange shawl thing and THE most beautiful shoes! But I hated it, I hated being dressed up. I wanted to look as beautiful as I thought some of the others were. My second prom was 2005, I bought a gorgeous dress, loved my shoes, had fake tan, fake nails. But however beautiful I felt, I still felt uncomfortable, my dress was a little tight, whether that was me finding myself, or now I know what I like. Who knows!
When I came to uni, my dress sense ended up a bit odd… I wore weird combos, and bought fashionable clothes that didn’t fit, or looked like a really bad tramp, I cut up clothes, Had over 10 piercings, got tattoos, cut my own hair and dyed it until it melted and just really didn’t take care of myself! I was not being realistic about my size at all completely ignoring my size 30-32 self until I could only shop in one store or online. Although plus size ladies can wear whatever they wish to. I have personally grown to realise I could not wear the same as someone who is a size 8, 5’8″ tall! Shops also usually don’t add length to tops or dresses despite them being plus size! I tried to make everything and anything fit, believe me, the photos are erm…interesting!
Then came the floaty phase, to try and cover my body I wore anything that was long, flowy and not clingy…. It also helped with my enormous food consumption… The clothes stretched with me! I looked even bigger, waddling down the street with my body wobbling in a strange rhythm!
Now my style is a mix, I’m still not comfortable with my body. I still try and hide my lumps & bumps. I haven’t had chub rub to that extreme for a while. I wear comfort shorts under my dresses. I’m still not sure what suits me. I still have quite a bit of weight to lose so my dress sense/style I assume Will keep changing as my body does? Who knows!
Love Sooz x