My decision to not have children

Ok, my decision to not have children is part medical part the rest of me. Firstly the medical aspect, I have pcos and endometriosis, making conceiving difficult, along with some other physical issues. However my main reason is, I just don’t want to. I think children are sweet (at times) and applaud parents. I occasionally get a pang around my period of a want to reproduce! It’s like tomatoes… I know I don’t like them so I don’t eat them (tomatoes not children)…no matter how many times people say I’ll change my mind, its just not going to happen. My mental health also affects my want, raising a child when you have mental health issues, doesn’t just affect you. You’re bringing a human into the world, shaping their destiny until they spread their own wings. It’s a responsibility. One I just don’t want to take up. In the past I have been with men, I’m fairly open about it, and I can’t rule out never being with one ever again, its not planned by any stretch of the imagination. But, as  far as fertility treatment, finding a sperm donor etc… It’s a long process, one which you have to plan and really want. If you’re with a man it can be (not always) a little Easier, happy accidents can happen. I know people judge and say science can do all sorts, I can adopt! But it just isn’t a want for me. I support anyone in their quest for children by whatever means, I like children (to a point). I might reach 80 and think “ahh I wish I’d had kids” nothing is ever set in stone. My journey has taught me to expect the unexpected, but children aren’t in my view. Society doesn’t tell you how to feel. You create your own future.
Love Sooz x

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23 thoughts on “My decision to not have children

  1. We have friends that don’t have kids… They go on holidays every year, often at a moment’s notice… They have nice cars, money in the bank and he doesn’t have gray hair.

    Let’s just say… I’m bald and my car is very practical. B-)
    Don’t worry about what others think, do what you think is good for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wanted children more than anything else in the world. I felt cheated when I didn’t get pregnant. However, I too have mental issues and my first husband would have made a horrible father. That sounds judgemental but it is truly based on fact. I seem to be a magnet for other people’s kids and have several who, over the years, have come to me for things their own parents can’t provide. For me, this is enough. My current husband would have made an awesome Dad, however, I was too old by the time we married to have kids and he has been very accepting of that. Do I still have regrets – surprisingly no. I think it all worked out for the best. So I understand your situation and respect you for it. If you do get an urge to be a mother, mentor a young person who just needs someone to talk to and be with other than their own parent. It is very rewarding for both sides!

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  3. I know I’m a dinosaur, but…really? People question your decision not to go through the hell of fertility treatment to bring a child you don’t really want into an already over-populated world in far from ideal circumstances? I’m far more likely to question the motives of single women who ‘must’ have a child – who say it’s their ‘right’ to have a child. It’s certainly not for the sake of the child.
    You go, girl. You don’t have to justify your decision. No one has a responsibility – or a ‘right’ – to have kids. Nature obviously didn’t intend it that way, and you obviously have the good sense to realise it. Where would we be if people like you didn’t exist? In an even bigger mess than we are already!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s your decision. My husband & I had both always wanted kids, top priority since we were kids, and officially cured of disorders that weren’t genetic (doctors can be so wrong). Don’t do anything important unless you want to. Stick to your guns.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am 53 and never wanted children. I am now post-menopausal and am thankful that it is not even an issue any longer! I had terrible problems with my period and wanted a hysterectomy, but my doc kept saying I might change my mind. I never did. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and give yourself kudos for realizing this! I didn’t have them for the mental health reason too, but it was more than that. The world doesn’t need more people, and this world isn’t the best for raising another human being! Don’t let anyone force the issue…you can lead a wonderful life without having to bear children. Go for it!!! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. My daughter does not want them. My youngest son does not, either. I respect that and am grateful for it. I do not ever want to be a grandparent (although my oldest son swears he plans on having children).

    You know what is best for you. You keep doing you and do not worry about what society thinks you should do. 🙂

    ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. On the 27th of June I had endometrial ablation and essure sterilisation, meaning kids are no longer an option. Since I’ve never been friends with my uterus, and I’ve been begging for a hysterectomy since I turned 30, I didn’t think the reality of being barren would hit me as hard as it did, and I have to admit I was pretty low for a few days afterwards. I think I feel like I’ve let my late mum down more than anything, because that’s the end of the line and our family will die with me when it’s my time. I’ve been feeling like a very tiny speck in the universe I suppose. I’m lucky and blessed to have a brilliant partner who loves me to bits and we can put all of our focus into each other and living the lives we have to the full x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I truely hope you can feel whole without ‘continuing the blood line’ I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through such traumatic problems. I can’t put words in your late Mum’s mouth, but I’m almost certain she would never want you to feel like you let her down, by not having children. She would I presume want you to be healthy and as happy as possible. you maybe a tiny speck in the universe… But think of how much of that universe is yours to explore…! I’m glad you have a supportive partner, I wish you all the love and strength in the world… I hope you may have a long and fulfilled life. Love Sooz xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh it’ll pass! I’m inclined to overthink things anyway, and this ones kind of a biggie lol! In my heart of hearts, I know that you’re absolutely right and mum wouldn’t give a monkeys either way as long as I’m healthy and happy. I’m in a much better place mentally than I was as recently as two years ago and now I’m on my way to a healthier life, so the only way is up 👍
        Keep up the good work on the blog, I’m really enjoying it!

        Liked by 1 person

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