I have talked about my weight ‘then’ and what made me start losing weight, what I felt before I started, but what about emotionally? What keeps me going? It sounds cliche but if I knew what I know now, I would have started so much sooner, I’ve also learned that the scale is only about 20-30% of the story.
Instagram has kept me motivated beyond belief, some people may not understand or think I’m crazy (technically I am mad, but more on that in another post) but unless you’re part of that community you’ll never know! Being honest/saying things you can’t in ‘real life’, but seeing ideas, getting positive comments and constructive criticism, it’s almost addictive, however, I’ve connected with people across the world, who I would never have even imagined before.
That leads me to gratitude, positivity and trying to be a better person.
“Hindsight is a wonderful thing” – everyone ever!
Looking back makes me wince, my anxiety already makes me think back to that time in 2001 I said something stupid and I still toy with the idea of finding that person on Facebook to apologise! But more recently, I didn’t realise how my weight made me build a hateful, judgemental, fake confidence filled wall around myself. I laughed at people in the street, I picked others apart, I was a bitch- all to make myself feel better, did it, no! I would go home sit in bed watching box sets on repeat, eating, microwaving ,dry pasta and frozen food so I could shovel it in faster. That isn’t someone enjoying life.
It hasn’t been easy, I’ve read blogs, watched YouTube videos,laughed, cried, been patient with myself, pushed myself past being grumpy. I’ve had bad days. But it doesn’t make me a good person, a nice person or a happy person being mean or hateful, it eats you up inside!
I’m unsure of the food I eat plays a part, but I don’t think about eating 24/7 . I think about food, I get excited about flavours and colours and new things. But not buying a family sized chocolate pudding and eating it in less than a minute! I have a healthy respect for what I eat, I enjoy cooking and using vegetables and herbs!
Being healthy is more than what goes on your plate, it’s a change in your entire life. Its also a constant change, there isn’t an end.
Love Sooz x
I’m on Instagram @discoveringsooz